Gone

They leave because obviously they know that it's true.
You're a bitch, horrible in every imaginable aspect, I mean
Look they didn't even want to be friends in the first place,
And I'm sure if you gave them the chance they'd be
Gone.

Bulletproof Heart.

Don’t you hate getting bullet holes in your new jacket?

I hate getting bullet holes in my new jacket. So I blast the pig that

shot at me, and i’m working on blasting his friend. They scream out that BL-incorporated was going to get me eventually, and that I couldn’t hide forever.

Fuck that! Whatever,I’m done sitting in submission.I have to do it now, and do it loud. Make a stand and take back what belongs to me.It’s time to take back what belongs to all of us.

So this message is for anyone who wants to get into our way.

Don’t. We’re not taking prisoners anymore, We’ll call you out, smack you down and still get home in time for dinner.  We’ve got no heros, so we’re not afraid to play the villains. 

You want to hurt me? Fine. But You want to hurt my people? Think again pissbaby, Just give me the excuse to string you up like the jaded, lukewarm hardcore asswipes you’re pretending to be. Because I know that you’re not really as apathetic as you might want them to see.

To all my girls who are tired of hearing wolf whistles while you’re walking down root guano.  And to all my boys who are done hearing the words “Man Up.” And to all my gender queer kids who are done with the binary system. It’s time for us to rise up and throw them down.

They don’t believe in us, they don’t believe in our cause.They’ve chosen to remain bystanders to another revolution. So what do we do? We fight back, use our voices and change the future

Are you ready? We’re the only ones willing to stand up to the people who think they’re in charge.

So to all the people who would try and stop us, go ahead and try. We will stand and fight for what we believe, and we will win. We’re done sitting around and letting horrible people control our lives. So shove that in your juice box and suck it, because we’re blowing out of this town. 

We’re done letting rape jokes and slurs slide. The next time you hear someone make a comment in the hall, call them out. Use your voice before you become just another bystander, just like them. It’s time for a new era to take hold, It’s time to dream again.

Forget Me Not

I worry about you all the time, and think about you too.
I think of how I love your eyes, and all the things we'll do.
I think to myself how much I wish there was more I could do.
To show you dear, the reasons why, I whole heartily love you.
I see the cosmic energy seeping from your skin,
I know the burning is stirring love, I can feel it in the wind.
But promise me you will not fade,
for this is surely true.
I, the Writer, have loved you so.
I will never forget you.

A Little More Then Hopeless Romantic.

I found the cure to growing old in her peppermint smile.
I'd be damned if I didn't mention that
even the mere sight of her handle gives me heart palpitations.
A gentle tip tapping, ripping at the delicate muscle.

Sometimes I want to pull a "Practical Magic" and
Just set a spell telling me that,
No, I don't fall in love with those eyes.
No, I don't find the way you laugh at me endearing at all.

No. That isn't the slightest bit true.
And of course number one on my list is not to lie.
And how dare I break that rule,
By lying to myself, telling me that I don't want you.

As the Summer died, gasping out His final breath.
Winter takes Her hold on me.
Two aspects of my soul, fighting for the spotlight.

Because where he was warm and wild,
She is cool and gentle.
And where he loved me in the moonlight,
She'll love me in the sun.

The way her hand cradles my heart,
As though it was a hawk with a broken wing.
Something fierce and crippled.
Makes the tip tapping grow a little more each day.
-XoHunter.

It's a terrable thing called love.

"That's what it was like today, i was super nervous at first, but after awhile it was just like 'hold her hand, kiss her cheek, tell her she's radiant, drink coffee, hold her hand, kiss her knuckles and tell her that everything is going to be alight' and everything was alright"~H.L.Baugus

Here is simple.

I'm listening to music she’s playing, through a tiny broken screen

There is a slight chill to the air, a spirit still fresh

Sandalwood smoke on my end. something sweet, like vanilla, on hers

Butterflies dancing in my belly from how much I've been here before.

How many times I've imagined this.

How many times I've had this memory before.

Almost like a heavy weight, my eyes begin to droop

I can’t wait to see her, to grab her hand and kiss her knuckles.

The ones she’s going to break my heart with I swear.

But id take it.

I'd take anything she'd give to me.

Happily

In love.

Like Dreaming Backwards (title taken from a play by kellie powell)

When I have an episode,
It starts off really small.
I have control,
There is just this weight sitting in my chest waiting for me to
Lift.

Then it gets worse.
I try lifting and it wont budge,
Then I realize that it's not going to.
And then I panic.

Because I'm dying,
Inside,
And every part of me wants to throw the tears away.

So I struggle,
Fight, claw, rip, tear myself to shreds.
Trying to get away from this terrible weight.

Then it gets heavier.
It pushes me down,
Now I'm drowning.

Then after I cry,
Or hurt myself,
The weight is gone.

And I am dreamy,
And I am feather-light.
Nothing can hurt me.

Then I sleep.

Radical.

I've decided to make myself small and
Quite.

I will no longer speak my mind, for fear of hurting my fellow,
Human.

I can no longer stand here and insult
You.

Can I ever succeed? In a world where if I am not small, I

Do

Not

Matter.

Fake Your Death.

Saying goodbye to old friends is hard.
And it's not made easier by the knowledge of how long you loved them.
They are gone now and you have millions of things to remember them by.

Your best friend,
All their music,
And the soundtrack pulsing through your head.

A piano riff, and the clap of hands to send them to Valhalla.
They were warriors for the broken.
Representatives of the misfits and lovers of the damned.

They told you to be yourself,
And you did.
You dyed your hair when you wanted to,
Laughed with your friends and lived the life.

No one had any hold on you because you could so easily replace reality

You kiss their corpse and cry.
This is is.

So long and thanks for the ride.

Mermaid is Short for Murderer.

There are few people that you feel so linked to
That no matter their faults
Or how much they make you feel like you're eating a bowl of rusted nails.
You love them.
Like a mermaid,
They drag you under stealing your words,
And cherishing your last sane breath.
You feel mad,
And Tired
And all too used.
But
You can't help letting them pull you under the waves
At night the stars glisten
As they fade from your eyes.
Your eyes go wide,
You realize, too late, they are killing you!
Poisons kiss your corroding skin,
As kelp and algae set into your bones.
Like a rot.
And you are one with the sea now.
Just another of their victims laying on the ocean floor.

The Beautiful Bright Side.

Look on the fucking bright side.
At least you're not dead yet, right?
What counts as dead anymore?

What?
You're surprised that I'm not okay right now.
Just look at the fucking bright side,
At least I don't cut too deep.

I'm a dead leaf,
Falling to the ground in the middle of
Autumn.
Cut from my power source.

Yeah, look on the bright side.
I'm not dead.
But I wish I was.

And I may be mellodramtic,
But I get that way sometimes.
Sorry.

Keep talking,
About bright sides,
And sunshine.
I'm going to fight on.

We're tradgic,
Teenagers as a whole.
Doomed to live a repeat of all our parents mistakes.

What,
You're surprised that's the bright side here?

I just wanted you to understand.
I needed someone to understand.
But I guess that's not the way this works.

Little Flickering Lights.

Everyone I love leaves me in the end.And maybe it's like this for everyone.

Maybe I'm not exempt.

I lose friends, family,
Anything I put my heart into eventually leaves my side.

I was okay with this once. I thought it was my role.

I was there to lift people out of their darkness.
I was there to help people move on.

But I'm tired of being alone.I don't want to lift anymore.

I don't want you to leave.

But it doesn't matter.Because this is the part I was born to play.

I am the lantern that gets left outside.Light always flickering for the lost.

Battered, and bruised.I shall continue my watch.-XX

Sad thoughts and second chances?

You guys are the greatest. And maybe that's the point. I get so stuck up in all the problems and fears that i forget that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. There will always be magic when I'm with you guys. It' serially funny. I may not have a home in a traditional sense, but when the hell am I traditional? I love you guys, in the cheesy semi romantic "hug me brother" kinda way.

You're perfect and you make me perfect too.

And I couldn't imagine life with out you by my side.

Through minors and majors and fuck ups and loves and ups and downs. That's a run on sentence but you get the idea.

Never in a million years did I think things were going to turn up like this,

Getting a yes, friends, lovely feelings of melancholy sadness mixed with joy. 

Death and life all at the same time.

And it's all thanks too you.

I'm a Mess of Emotion, and You are Detatched from Us.

What words shall I use to describe what we've done.
Broken toys from a magic little box.
I was always told to fix it.

Every single time,
"Just fix It."
 Break and fix, breaking and fixing.

This is what I've been made into.
A mess of broken springs,
And impossibly shattered dreams.

You look at everyone around me now.
I'm surrounded by small reminders that we are not Us.
You are made too break me.

And I can't fix me anymore.
I'm not your idea of friend I have learned.
You think me wrong.

Over dramatic,
Over blown.

Fuzzy.

Finally, I feel happy.

Relaxation sets into my bones,
And a smile slips onto my face.
There doesn't have to be a struggle tonight.

New hair,
New ideas,
New me.

I will get better,
No more hurting myself,
No more overreacting.

We can get it right this time,
We can figure it out.

Homework, School, Life.
We can handle it.
Shits going to go down,
That much is promised.
But we can take it.

A smile slips onto my face,
Batteries in my camera.
I'm ready to get ahead again.

Finally I feel freed.

This is me.

Hey.
It's easier for me to tell you like this, all in pixels and letters. When I talk my words get all jumbled, and when I IM you there are too many typos.

You're one of the most important things to happen to me, one of my best friends. I want so badly for us to have some profound friendship like they do in movies, and in books. I know that's not real life too. You're not going to tell me every little detail of your life, and you're going to get annoyed when I try and tell you mine. But I'm okay with that. I know that we may not always talk. And when we do it's single words and small responses, but thank you for giving me your time. And thank you for letting me into your life.

I'm not the most amazing friend. I make a lot of mistakes and I push too much of my shit out into the open. I don't really have boundaries and I over share a lot. But that's just because I trust you. And I'm not going to just bag on myself, because sometimes you irritate the hell out of me. And that's how it's supposed to be.

I love you, and I'm so glad you're still my friend. <3

Hugs.

It's the way you hug.
I know that those are for everyone,
And not "special" just for me,
But I can't help wondering what it would be like,
If they were.
It's like a drug, because I finally feel okay.
Safe.
It's your hugs.
They make me feel loved.

Home.

I want to go home.
To a place where I feel safe,
To a place where I feel loved.

It's always so angry here,
This place is filled with so much pain,
There has been so much fighting.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I want to run.
To let my feet carry me past the city's,
And past the oceans,
To a place where I can hide.

Take me home.
To a place where I'll feel loved for the first time.
And where I'll be loved forever.

Take me to a place where I feel safe,
Loved,
And warm.

(7-15-13) Notebooks.

Cool crowd stires around me,
Soft "'scuse me""s are whispered
In a strangers voice.
Giggles from the young mix with
The disgruntled sighs from the old,
And those of us unspoken
Remain still.

Bitter Memories and Moving On.

Nearly two months with out a relapse.
Still lots of shouting, but less crying.
More frustration, but the thoughts of ending it float away.

I talk with my friends everyday.
Go on mini vacations.
Work to make myself feel better.

I'm finally moving forward.
After a year of hiding behind a wall.
I can breath again.

I can finally feel the word spinning.

Sweets and Best Friends

You count.

I've decided to trust you, you can know everything.
When I'm hurting i'm going to complain to you.
When i'm happy, i'm going to sing at you.

This means complete honesty.
And me being so comfortable with you it'll seem weird to some people.

I'll expect you to get me, in ways that even my family doesn't.

And you're going to see the worst of me, but you're also going to get the best.

I'm going to throw four hundred percent at you.
And this is scary.
But I know that you'll get it.

I'm going to hug you a lot, and longer then I hug others
And kiss your cheek.

You're going to get presents, handmade and customized.

And lastly, you're going to get "I love you's" not romantic, but sweet little things just to express how much you mean to me.

I love you, Best friend.