Itching

I'm mad at myself for taking such a huge break from blogging.
So I (not so) recently ended my sophomore blog, and I had sorta a creative fall out. Then I committed to this rad story, then I hit a block so I stopped. Then I stopped all together. I was going to start a summer blog but I don't do much so it would be super boring, i'm most likely going to start one anyway.
But I really did miss putting my thoughts out there and just taking the time to hone my craft. I've been inspired to write, maybe just a junk file of poems, or maybe character introductions, or anything really. I'm ready to hit the ground running with this. Make way for tomorrow!

So I've decided to make a little challenge for myself.
Post something every day for the rest of the summer.
(I might make a blog for it or something)
But yeah, that's all I have for right now. I'm going to go hit up a google doc.
<3 -HBL

Like Dreaming Backwards (title taken from a play by kellie powell)

When I have an episode,
It starts off really small.
I have control,
There is just this weight sitting in my chest waiting for me to
Lift.

Then it gets worse.
I try lifting and it wont budge,
Then I realize that it's not going to.
And then I panic.

Because I'm dying,
Inside,
And every part of me wants to throw the tears away.

So I struggle,
Fight, claw, rip, tear myself to shreds.
Trying to get away from this terrible weight.

Then it gets heavier.
It pushes me down,
Now I'm drowning.

Then after I cry,
Or hurt myself,
The weight is gone.

And I am dreamy,
And I am feather-light.
Nothing can hurt me.

Then I sleep.

Radical.

I've decided to make myself small and
Quite.

I will no longer speak my mind, for fear of hurting my fellow,
Human.

I can no longer stand here and insult
You.

Can I ever succeed? In a world where if I am not small, I

Do

Not

Matter.

Fake Your Death.

Saying goodbye to old friends is hard.
And it's not made easier by the knowledge of how long you loved them.
They are gone now and you have millions of things to remember them by.

Your best friend,
All their music,
And the soundtrack pulsing through your head.

A piano riff, and the clap of hands to send them to Valhalla.
They were warriors for the broken.
Representatives of the misfits and lovers of the damned.

They told you to be yourself,
And you did.
You dyed your hair when you wanted to,
Laughed with your friends and lived the life.

No one had any hold on you because you could so easily replace reality

You kiss their corpse and cry.
This is is.

So long and thanks for the ride.

Mermaid is Short for Murderer.

There are few people that you feel so linked to
That no matter their faults
Or how much they make you feel like you're eating a bowl of rusted nails.
You love them.
Like a mermaid,
They drag you under stealing your words,
And cherishing your last sane breath.
You feel mad,
And Tired
And all too used.
But
You can't help letting them pull you under the waves
At night the stars glisten
As they fade from your eyes.
Your eyes go wide,
You realize, too late, they are killing you!
Poisons kiss your corroding skin,
As kelp and algae set into your bones.
Like a rot.
And you are one with the sea now.
Just another of their victims laying on the ocean floor.

The Beautiful Bright Side.

Look on the fucking bright side.
At least you're not dead yet, right?
What counts as dead anymore?

What?
You're surprised that I'm not okay right now.
Just look at the fucking bright side,
At least I don't cut too deep.

I'm a dead leaf,
Falling to the ground in the middle of
Autumn.
Cut from my power source.

Yeah, look on the bright side.
I'm not dead.
But I wish I was.

And I may be mellodramtic,
But I get that way sometimes.
Sorry.

Keep talking,
About bright sides,
And sunshine.
I'm going to fight on.

We're tradgic,
Teenagers as a whole.
Doomed to live a repeat of all our parents mistakes.

What,
You're surprised that's the bright side here?

I just wanted you to understand.
I needed someone to understand.
But I guess that's not the way this works.

Little Flickering Lights.

Everyone I love leaves me in the end.And maybe it's like this for everyone.

Maybe I'm not exempt.

I lose friends, family,
Anything I put my heart into eventually leaves my side.

I was okay with this once. I thought it was my role.

I was there to lift people out of their darkness.
I was there to help people move on.

But I'm tired of being alone.I don't want to lift anymore.

I don't want you to leave.

But it doesn't matter.Because this is the part I was born to play.

I am the lantern that gets left outside.Light always flickering for the lost.

Battered, and bruised.I shall continue my watch.-XX