Like Dreaming Backwards (title taken from a play by kellie powell)

When I have an episode,
It starts off really small.
I have control,
There is just this weight sitting in my chest waiting for me to
Lift.

Then it gets worse.
I try lifting and it wont budge,
Then I realize that it's not going to.
And then I panic.

Because I'm dying,
Inside,
And every part of me wants to throw the tears away.

So I struggle,
Fight, claw, rip, tear myself to shreds.
Trying to get away from this terrible weight.

Then it gets heavier.
It pushes me down,
Now I'm drowning.

Then after I cry,
Or hurt myself,
The weight is gone.

And I am dreamy,
And I am feather-light.
Nothing can hurt me.

Then I sleep.

Radical.

I've decided to make myself small and
Quite.

I will no longer speak my mind, for fear of hurting my fellow,
Human.

I can no longer stand here and insult
You.

Can I ever succeed? In a world where if I am not small, I

Do

Not

Matter.

Fake Your Death.

Saying goodbye to old friends is hard.
And it's not made easier by the knowledge of how long you loved them.
They are gone now and you have millions of things to remember them by.

Your best friend,
All their music,
And the soundtrack pulsing through your head.

A piano riff, and the clap of hands to send them to Valhalla.
They were warriors for the broken.
Representatives of the misfits and lovers of the damned.

They told you to be yourself,
And you did.
You dyed your hair when you wanted to,
Laughed with your friends and lived the life.

No one had any hold on you because you could so easily replace reality

You kiss their corpse and cry.
This is is.

So long and thanks for the ride.