Little Flickering Lights.

Everyone I love leaves me in the end.And maybe it's like this for everyone.

Maybe I'm not exempt.

I lose friends, family,
Anything I put my heart into eventually leaves my side.

I was okay with this once. I thought it was my role.

I was there to lift people out of their darkness.
I was there to help people move on.

But I'm tired of being alone.I don't want to lift anymore.

I don't want you to leave.

But it doesn't matter.Because this is the part I was born to play.

I am the lantern that gets left outside.Light always flickering for the lost.

Battered, and bruised.I shall continue my watch.-XX

Home.

I want to go home.
To a place where I feel safe,
To a place where I feel loved.

It's always so angry here,
This place is filled with so much pain,
There has been so much fighting.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I want to run.
To let my feet carry me past the city's,
And past the oceans,
To a place where I can hide.

Take me home.
To a place where I'll feel loved for the first time.
And where I'll be loved forever.

Take me to a place where I feel safe,
Loved,
And warm.

Little imperfections make the world twirl.

"I wish I had a smaller stomach." A girl says to herself sternly as she picks herself apart in the mirror.
"Mines so freaking tiny, dude!" Exclaims the growth challenged teenage boy to his friend in the locker room.
"I hate myself." Whispers half the generation.

What they don't know is how those tiny imperfections make them beautiful.
No star is a perfect diamond.
No grain of sand is completely smooth.

Look at the imperfect world around you.
Stare at the stars and realize that you are not perfect.
But no one else is either.

Envy.

I want friends like you and yours.

Who miss me.
And worry about my wrists.
Just like they worry about each other.

I want people to constantly worry about me like I do them.
And worry about losing me.
And miss me like crazy.

But I guess that's just how it is for me.
I guess that's just how it works.

So I'll but you in a jar,
And watch as you all blossom.
And leave scars in my wake.

Hoping that someone remembers me.

Heat.

There is a heat that burns you in the summer.
Stemming from a million different things, 
Never being resolved.

You want to go out,
Adventuring, Exploring, Figuring shit out.
But you can't make it out the door without someone shouting

It's too hot to deal with this right now.
The withering feeling in the pit of your stomach.
You're doing nothing with your life.

Forty bucks.
Hundreds of places.
But not permission.

It's the kind of heat that engulfs you.
And burns from the inside out.
And brings tears to your eyes.

The kind of heat that only summer could bring.

Its a rant. You may not want to read this.

You're fucking tired?
Getting drained?
Exhausted?
TRY AND DEAL WITH THE WEIGHT OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE ON YOUR SHOULDER.
(the rest will be capslocked, i will delete this. maybe)
MY MOTHER HAS GIVEN ME NO SYMPATHY.
I DEAL WITH EVERYONES PROBLEMS.
I FIGHT DEMONS.
FIX RELATIONSHIPS.
SEND PEOPLE REMINDERS NOT TO KILL THEMSELVES.
WHEN ALL I NEEDED WAS A FUCKING REMINDER OF MY OWN.
I HAVE DONE THIS FOR NEARLY 16 YEARS.
DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
PEOPLE USE ME
AND LIE
AND THEY SAY THEY'LL BE THERE.
BUT THEY NEVER STAY.
DAD DIDNT
MOM DIDNT
YOU DIDNT
AND NEITHER DID SHE.
I HAVE FACE THE WORLD ON MY OWN.
SEEN THE WHITE WALLS AND BENT FACES
TRIED TO TEAR MINE AWAY FOR FEAR IT WAS A MASK.
AND YOU'RE FUCKING TIRED?
fine.
i guess i accept that.
you can be fucking tired.
and ask me for my silence.
ask and you shall receive.
i just wanted a reminder.
because she took mine.
but you weren't there.
and the knife was.
and the pain made all the difference.
I can see, clearly now.
my fog lifted.
cut away.
you left.
just like they all do.
and maybe thats my fault.
maybe im the one whose wrong.
but i cant afford to believe that.
not with the mother who almost gave me up.
and the grandmother who doesnt want me.
and the daddy up in heaven.
yeah.
maybe i was right all those years ago.
maybe if i disappear.
the world can be happy.